October 29, 2012
Aztleca’s Sunrise
4 am…
I wake up in the cold
En la obscuridad
In Grandmother’s comforting glow on the Earth
She knows what we are preparing for
I am ready in full regalia
Feathers arranged in my Copilli charged with carrying my prayers
Sonaja in my hand
Ayoyotes around my ankles calling, chattering
I near the others who are waiting
En la obscuridad
Waiting to say goodbye to our Elder
I feel the cool night’s kiss on my temples and the back of my neck and legs
Striking a match to light the ocote
It becomes instantaneous glowing warmth
The sweet scent of sizzling sap
Makes my heart silently sing
The mesquite arranged like a pyramid begins smoking as it lights
Copal humeando
En la obscuridad
It enters my mouth and nose
The sacred smoke digs deep into my lungs and heart
Pulling out an alabanza from my soul
An audible prayer
Caracoles suenan
It means it is time
We begin to build the altar
Sahumado las ofrendas
Recibiendo los que han llegado
The figures mystically appear from every side
En la obscuridad
We sing cantos lentos
Cantos para pedir permiso
Flowers are being arranged in the Santo Xochitl
They seem like they are patiently waiting to receive their new companion
Our Elder
‘Mi Nombre es Aztleca…Porque soy de Aztlan’
His powerful name and words said aloud for the last time
In his honor
En la obscuridad
His ashes lovingly embraced amongst flores
Sahumadores humeando
Sacred smoke filling the dawn
Tenderly welcoming the new light
As the night dies
And the new day is born
Quedan las palabras en silencio
En la obscuridad
Tambores begin pounding with the energy of our Father
Our bodies, vessels offering honoring danzas
As Tonatiuh rises over all of us
Shining intensely on our faces, backs and prayers
He leads the procession
With trails of serpent like smoke
Filling the air and our path
Cantando
Danzando
Con alegria
En el camino de la Luz
What is left are only flores and ashes scattered in the beloved Parque
August 3, 2012
Fuck you…I wrote this poem instead…
I almost called you today…
Mostly to tell you off
I wanted to spill my anger
And my hurt
All over your head
And down your face
And into your ears
And make them pop like when the airplane cabin loses pressure
I wanted it to irritate your eyes
To make you cry
And feel insecure
And give you a runny nose
Enough to give you sinus pain
As if you just inhaled water
And then I wanted to run into your mouth
And give you a sore throat
And maybe heartburn
Like from cheap diner meatloaf
Enough to make you feel sick
Like a chain fast food joint’s heatlamped burger
I wanted your stomach to hurt
Like the feeling you get when you know something bad is going to happen
And you just cant stop it
I wanted to make you feel not ‘good enough’
Like if you were watching your first love walk off with some other fool
I wanted to embarrass you
Like you were back in kindergarten and couldn’t ‘hold it’
I wanted to make you feel stupid
Like you were being punked by all the cool kids in junior high
I wanted you to regret
Like never getting to say ‘good bye’
I wanted to call you today
I wanted to do with that one phone call
Everything you did to me…
July 10, 2012
Words mean nothing other than what I feel…
I could sit quietly…
Alone…
And wait for the dust to settle…
Changing silk to scales…
Curls to cobwebs…
Forever…
And let it all pass by…
I could say…
‘Let me be’…
But they won’t…
I could think…
‘Leave good enough alone’…
But it never is…
Mixing and molding and pushing and pulling…
Spoils the fruit…
Rots it away…
With every touch…
I could stay still…
Mummified and preserved…
Almost perfect…
Closed lips…
Hands gently folded…
Legs tied…
Eyes shut…
While it all falls down…
I could…
Well…
I could try…
If I really wanted to…
But I am not one to go quietly
July 1, 2012
My Uterus…
If it wasn’t for my uterus…
my heart would have fallen out by now.
Instead
alli esta
rattling around like a pebble in a tin can
from my fingertips to my ears
between my lips and my knees
collecting miles like a frequent flyer
then sometimes just laying still in my feet
I would’ve gladly pissed it out…
on any drunken night
and flushed it down the plumbing
like a ex-lover’s burning letter
pero aunque me den en la puritita madre
alli esta
still rattling
sometimes beating
bleeding like clockwork on the 28th day
If it weren’t for my uterus…
(who has long taken root
around the walls of my insides)
Id be completely empty…
It serves as a safety net
for a pounding little acrobat
a retaining wall of sorts
to keep the erosion to a minimum
If it weren’t for my uterus
My heart would’ve fallen out a long time ago
But it rattles in a hollow space
Depending on the direction I am moving
Still beating… not like yours
Maybe like a tiny maraca
Or sometimes like the nearing thunder
Rarely, finding its place
Occasionally still
Sometimes close to silent
Pero alli estan…los dos…tal para qual…
June 24, 2012
I remember you…
After all these years.
I can close my eyes and see your face,
your shadow over my small frame,
gentle giant.
I remember your lips,
and the waves in your hair…
like the midnight ocean,
and how your hand, so big…
combed my fingers wide like a small silk fan.
I remember the songs…
on the mixedtape,
and the base in your trunk…
that I felt running through my throat.
I remember that night…
when you kissed me,
and I cried because I didnt want my Jefita to know,
or your sister.
I remember when I lost my jacket…
and you covered me with your brown skin…
and my hair that night.
I remember your flat feet,
in the sand…
the prints of your sturdy walk,
and how your mouth moved with every perfect word.
Time has erased the details…
of the last phone call when we said good-bye,
the whereabouts of that charm bracelet you gave me,
or what ever happened to the mixed tape.
But…I remember you.
Beautiful photos and poems you post sis! Respects!trustyourstrugglecollective
Thank you…I appreciate your comment…and the time you allowed me to share my thoughts with you…
January 22, 2012
December 7, 2011
November 11, 2011
October 29, 2011
Which is which…(ars poetica)
I have written you to life
Countless words
At least a hundred poems
Found you in so many quotes
But still I have never known you
I’ve heard you in a thousand stanzas
Felt your Neruda-ian breath in my sleep
Even then I would not recognize your inspiration
I have spent countless nights smearing your ink on my arm
I’ve had many conversations with blank paper and dead Poets
But we have yet to agree on your name
A title which is only known by the changing leaves
And drifting clouds
Or an occasional whisper of wind
Leaving promises of acquaintance before it changes direction
But still I hope to stumble on you
Like my high school notebook
Occupied with introspective rivers and jagged rocks
Maybe in a song where I see something shiny
And in its reflection will read “ARSE POETA”, instead of you
Then realize that describing you, my love
Would be like spoken word of ingredients in processed food
Foreign pronunciations and 5 syllabled components
Though your taste on my tongue is far too familiar
And aroma always unforgettable
Like a favorite childhood candy
And grown lady perfume
An undeniably inexplicable relationship between us
Like my own fetus in fetu
One dead the other alive
Which one
We share essential organs
Nourished by cord blood of words and imagery
Clandestine lovers
Extra sensory beings empathic in language
I confide my secrets on your pale skin
Then you run exposed to the world
But somehow bringing comfort
When I see you in a critic’s gaze
You and I are the same
